Another entry for Weekend Writing Warriors. WeWriWa is a blog site open to all authors/writers published or unpublished. Follow the simple instructions on their blog to sign up and then post a snippet of writing on your own blog to join in on the fun.
Continuing with an excerpt from my book Fiendish and I'm picking up again with that. The excerpt picks up in the middle of chapter 3 and I will continue til the end of the chapter.
We left off last week with Calida agreeing to stay and have 'linner' with Seth after an encouraging text from her friend Macy. Let's see how the date goes.
If you are just joining me, click below to get to the beginning of this exchange.
“Yes there is,” she agreed, laughing
again. It was a lovely sound, and her entire face lit up when she did it.
Over the course of
the meal, Calida started to relax. She tended to ramble when she got nervous,
which worked for me since I was able to get a lot of information out of her. I
learned she and Macy were out celebrating her new job. At twenty-five, she was
the younger of two children, her sister being eleven years older. Her mood
shifted a bit when I inquired about her sister. I didn’t push for more
information, I didn’t want her closing up on me, but I could tell it was not a
friendly relationship. 
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Wow, great excerpt -- intriguing!
ReplyDeleteThanks. So glad you enjoyed it.
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I like the way we get such a strong sense of the guy's thoughts as the passage stays solidly in his point of view.
ReplyDeletehttp://joycelansky.blogspot.com
Thanks. The scene will eventually change over and we'll hear her thoughts but for now, the dinner is all told from Seth's POV so you can get a sense of how he operates.
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Makes me wonder what's up with the big sis...
ReplyDeleteI love that she's starting to relax with him. And I wonder what's up with the sister situation.
ReplyDeleteI answered the sister thing in my comment to Millie.
DeleteShe did start to relax a bit, Seth can be quite the charmer when he wants to be.
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I like it. I like the fact that it is first person, but from the man's point of view. That doesn't happen very often. I like the fact that he gets her to open up and notices her cues when she is uncomfortable with the topic.
ReplyDeleteGreat eight!
Glad you like it. I alternate between the two. I tried writing it in third, but it didn't have the same feel to me so it's dual 1st instead. Seth is a character that needed to be heard in his own words LOL.
DeleteHe's a very perceptive man (he has to be) so he picked up on her behavior and body language quickly.
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Hmm, interesting that he's asking so many questions but at least she's talking to him. Enjoyed the snippet!
ReplyDeletehe likes to keep control of the situation so that meant controlling the conversation to keep it in a direction he wanted.
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Drama in the past. Good.
DeleteCalida has lots of drama where the sister is concerned :(
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Family problems are always so complicated :( This scene reminds me of a date that I went on. I had previously told him I had been anorexic. He brought it up during dinner, and it was awkward because he kept pushing it. It's not something I wanted to talk about at the time. . . I'm glad Seth isn't a jerk, and is following her lead. IMO, it's a red flag when a guy tries to push a woman to do anything she is uncomfortable with.
ReplyDeleteAbout this line, "Her mood shifted a bit when I inquired about her sister." It might be more powerful if you describe how she looked when he asked about it instead of saying her mood shifted.
Looking forward to how this dinner date ends :)
aww sorry you had a bad experience like that. Seth is trying to not be a jerk (at least not right now) so since he wanted her talking, he knew when to push and when to pull back. All part of his master plan. Seth is a walking red flag LOL....he just knows how to disguise it well.
DeleteThanks for the tip on the line. I need to work more on my whole show don't tell so I'm forever in the learning process.
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Well, that's something she and I share in common--the nervous rambling. lol. Love that she's relaxing more as the evening progresses. Excited for next week! :)
ReplyDeleteYeah she rambles a lot when nervous and he enjoys that it takes very little effort on his part to make her nervous. Hopefully the night ends on a good note.
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I'm glad she relaxed enough to talk, even a bit, about something that is obviously personal to her. I'm also happy he realized not to keep pushing. Now I am curious about her past dramas and if this sister is going to come back into her life and cause more problems.
ReplyDeleteShe is trying to get out of her comfort zone and just enjoy the moment. There are somethings that she didn't want to bring up since she knew it was a sore spot and he was kind enough to respect that.
DeleteOH yeah the sister does show up later in the book and they have a very interesting dinner
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Nice bit of back-story (sister) dropped into the scene. Fluid writing, Good 8! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks. She and her sister have a very tense relationship.
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Interesting snippet! I'm curious of her relationship with her sister. That curiosity motivates me to want to continue reading to find out.
ReplyDeleteKeep smiling,
Yawatta
I'm glad your curiosity was peaked. We do learn more about her sister and even get to meet her over the course of the book.
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