This excerpt is from the same short story I did last week. It's from a competition I did a few years ago. The assignment was to write an event that was sad and tragic. It wasn't titled before, it was simply called assignment #4 but I've given it one now.
Entry #2
**since I'm new to this, I'm not sure on the rating requirements/limits for the pieces. While the piece is considered PG-13, it does deal with heavy subject matters that could be triggers for some. Just wanted to put that out there.**
Her Own Hands
"Why…why did you do this?"
I think my mother was crying out to me.
I could almost laugh at her tears since she’d never shed any
for me before. Why she asks, as if she didn’t know. My entire life she’d blamed me for everything that was wrong
in hers. Starting with the fact that my father abandoned us when I
was just a week old.
"You cried too much," she would snarl at me.
I was the reason none of her relationships worked out.
"They didn’t want to be bogged down with a kid," she would
scream once whoever had walked out on her.
You make clear in eight sentences the family dynamics. Nice job. We have all kinds of writers on WeWriWa but it was considerate of you to post a warning first giving the reader an opportunity to pass if they felt it might trigger something. Welcome to the group!
ReplyDeleteHistory Sleuth - Milk Carton Murders
Thank you. I was trying to go for quick, maximum impact.
DeleteI wasn't sure with the subject matter on what was or wasn't allowed. I'm glad to know there aren't restrictions. I will continue to post the warning just so readers are aware of the subject matter.
thanks
Sad, but very evocative and well written snippet.
ReplyDeleteThank you! :)
DeleteThis is a powerful story. I remembered your snippet from last week, so it stayed with me. It sounds like her mother is emotionally abusive :( Suicide is a dark topic, but it happens, just like many other bad things in life. I wrote a story about it too, and added a trigger warning. I have a friend whose cousin committed suicide a few months back, and I told her not to read my story. It can definitely trigger someone who was affected by it, so it was considerate of you to warn others. I'm hoping the protagonist is able to find some peace. Looking forward to next week ^^
ReplyDeleteaww thanks. I'm glad it made an impact with you.
Deleteyou are correct in the life this poor girl led. Her mother was not the best towards her, she's had a hard life. Suicide and abuse are dark subjects which is why I wanted to give the warning since I wasn't sure.
Bad things happen every day, but I didn't want to offend anyone. Better safe than sorry.
This story has 2 more weeks worth of sentences.
thanks for stopping by
This was so intense. I felt for the main character. it must be so hard to have to deal a parent who treats you so poorly. Great snippet tho!
ReplyDeleteOur nameless character hasn't had it easy. :( She's tried to deal with life as best she could but it's led to this.
Deletethanks for stopping by
How sad that the mother didn't show her love when she could...
ReplyDeleteit is very sad she didn't care enough before this
Deletethanks for stopping by
Wow. So very heavy but powerful. The emotion of this is raw, especially combined with last week's snippet. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteYou really brought out emotion in this scene. Nicely done! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteGreat snippet. I loved the drama. I can relate to the main character. My mom and I didn't have the best relationship when I was little. Sometimes I thought she resented me and my brother. Good job bringing out the emotion. I can't wait to read the next installment.
ReplyDeleteKeep smiling,
Yawatta
Glad she's someone people can connect to. :( Sorry about your relationship with your mom. It's hard when a kid feels that way because of how their parents treat them.
Deletethanks for stopping by
Sounds like a horrible situation. How can anyone blame a baby for anything. Sorry I'm so late with my return visit. I've been as busy as a teacher the week before the first day of school.
ReplyDeletehttps://joycelansky.blogspot.com
It is terrible, and what's worse some people actually act like this mother. Resenting the child for simply being born. :(
ReplyDeleteNo worries on the late comment. Hope you have a great school year!